BottleOfSmoke

Can we just acknowledge how impressive it is that I remembered my login? I hope everyone is eating enough protein, getting enough sleep, paying their bills and worshiping our lord and savior Steve Yzerzeus. *kiss kiss*

How we doin’ here boys and ghouls?? We kickin’ tires? Someone post the Hudler bathtub pic-BoS OUT. LGW!

Reporting in for my sweet, sweet protein facial

Just popping out of lurkdom to bask in this glorious day when our lord Stevesus Yzermanchrist hath descended from the heavens and blessed us with the glory of his presence amen hallelujah kick the tires and light the fires GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY LGW!

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve never set foot on hfboards THANK YOU VERY MUCH. So if there’s someone Bettying it up over there they’re a GD IMPOSTER. I just took a Hockey Break (tm). Detroit Red Wings, unlike Zetterberg, I CAN’T QUIT YOU. Rest easy, my dude—I’m still kickin’. I think?

If anything can bring me out of the woodwork, it’s news of My Lord and Savior Stevesus Yzermanchrist making his long overdue return to the Motherland to (not) strap on his skates and lead us to a threepeat, a super bowl win, and the end of the Flint water crisis. The part of my brain that’s not having a fever dream hopes that all is well with his family, has tempered expectations that he will ever return to the Wings franchise in any official capacity, and will wait and see how this pans out like a normal-functioning human being. But I’d be lying if I said my initial reaction to the original tweets wasn’t to aggressively hump the nearest inanimate (or not—sorry Lesley) object whilst scream-singing Don’t Stop Believing. Whatevs.

Doing a butt pat driveby for beating the ******* s***hawks because f*** them

Well, damn. 8 butt pats for all! or is that OVER 9000?

I've been compared to Tina from Bob's Burgers, does that count? Also fu**k Hudler. No one better post that bathtub pick that makes me never want to have tHe sEx ever again.

Let's just throw live babies on the ice and be tHE MOST METAL TEAM IN THA NHL

*belated butt pats*

... *pats butts*

*bows* *lights s**t on fire*

OMG yes you dooo way to go, Paul

I don't know what I missed but if it was anywhere near as good as when those Russian spammers wanted to talk to me about how to get dates with Hot T*ts Nadia I'm super bummed.

No hilarious hockey thread is complete without the obligatory GET THA WHEELS ON THA BUS video. Find it. Now.

WEEEEOOOO 3-1 LGW!

What's to stop Chelios from doing it anyway?? Edit: for the record I'm really disappointed in all of you that this wasn't the second fricking comment.

Please don't give Nerve any ideas...

Dude I can't even explain it. I have a serious hate-on for the guy and always have. He's such a douchemeister. CAN. NOT. STAND. HIM.

This will never be an objective poll, no matter how much people debate 'stats' or trophies or whatever, because personal biases will always play a part. I voted for Yzerman, yes because he was the heart and soul of this franchise until the day he stepped off the ice, but also because he was my hero and I will never NOT think he was the greatest thing to happen to hockey since May 9, 1965. People who voted for others have entirely valid reasons, but they also probably have a soft and squishy. But I will also say that NO other player has people sprung talking about "bring back so-and-so" like Yzerman does. People *still* want him back in this org. Is it because he has proven himself as the most super amazing GM the sport has seen in recent years? You're fooling yourself if you say yes. So what is it? The guy flat out embodies the Wings for so many people that they pine for him over a decade later. That's gotta say something about his importance to this franchise.

UGH why do I always have to be reminded of this travesty???? Eff that guy right in his b hole. And not in the good tingly way.

Can't believe people didn't respond to this. Probably because you DIDN'T INCLUDE LINKS TO VIDEO j/k no one comes into the water cooler we've tried for years to get this place jumpin'. I've been listening to a lot of Maximum the Hormone and Dessa And frankly I like to party to the 90s on 9 station on Sirius when I'm driving

There's also this fun one where he does U2's "One" music with Metallica's "One" lyrics. And by fun I mean twice the depression zero down no wait buy it while it lasts...