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Earthhuman

Crosby Article

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Ok, I got bored...

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Sidney Crosby in “league of his own”

NHL announces bold move

By Sam Orr

Hoping to attract a wider audience to the NHL, Gary Bettman announced on Wednesday that Sidney Crosby would be moved to a literal league of his own, unofficially named the SCHL, the Sidney Crosby Hockey League.

“We feel that this move makes sense,” Bettman said in a statement to the press. “The new league will showcase the unique skills and talents of ‘Sid the Kid’, while ensuring that unfortunate injuries, such as the ankle injury that occurred this season, will not happen again.” Crosby will be relatively safe, because he will be the only hockey player in the league, on either team.

In one impromptu game, Sidney Crosby set 14 SCHL scoring records with 2 goals, along with 2 PIMs (penalty minutes). He logged an impressive 26:19 minutes of time on ice, an SCHL record. At the close of the game, he was rewarded the Brett Hull Best Job Ever Award, given to the player who does the best job ever, and the Sidney Crosby Trophy, given to Sidney Crosby annually to add to his hype.

Sobriety followed elation, as Sidney went crashing into the boards, breaking his ankle and multiple legs bones. Taking the puck from end to end, he deked through seemingly dozens of “invisible bad guys.” Coming in alone on the “invisible bad goalie,” he hit a rut on the ice, slid onto his back, and hit the boards, feet first.

“Bad breaks happen, you know, you just have to fight through it and hope to return as soon as possible. I’m really looking forward to returning and helping my team clinch a playoff spot,” Crosby said. The Pittsburgh Phenom Angel Children currently rank in 9th place, just out of the playoffs. The team will play as many games as it takes to finish first in the league, according to league rules.

“It’s phenomenal that he was injured at all,” reflected one referee, “he did the whole play in slow motion.”

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I stole a joke from someone here, the Sidney Crosby Award joke. So thank you for that!

Edited by Earthhuman

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