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Bar Scene Rant


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#1 Legendary D In 03

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 04:49 AM

I was in middle school ten years ago and didn't have many friends. High school, I thought; new people, clean slate, perhaps a chance to be a bit happier. No dice. Same deal with the transition from high school to college. Same deal with the transition to drinking illegally at parties to being able to go to bars and mingle. I might add that I have a kind of severe social anxiety (which is really hilarious if you're actually close friends with me, because I'm anything but anxious around those who I'm close with) which has actually made me feel physically ill in situations such as approaching a cute girl at the bar or asking a girl out. I can't get around it. Ever. But, when I do, I basically get over-excited about what awaits me on the horizon and play what resembles a game of Jenga with my own emotions. Eventually, the tower topples. When this happens, I get wise. I then use this wisdom to make sure that the same thing won't happen again. But, it inevitably does; just in a different manner than before.

I've had enough.
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A complex man drawn off of simplicity.

#2 SouthernWingsFan

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 05:37 AM

You might think I'm full of crap with this post and it might have nothing to do with your "rant", but my $0.02...

Family and friends are always important to see and hang out with, but one of my thought processes in life now is that people are my age now (mid to late 20s) have already lived out their party years, they are either starting to raise families or fun to them is just having a barbeque or watching a movie or just going out to eat or see a live band at a reasonable hour. Fairly simple things in life to appreciate and nothing all that hardcore. It doesn't matter if I do these things with people or by myself, I still do those things as well and don't feel much of the need to constantly be a thrill seeker.

Try to be happy just doing the simple things in life. A movie or a video game or watching TV back home, a casual meal or a beer or two at a restaurant, exercising outdoors, reading a book in the park, or whatever else. Because friends or family probably are doing those same things as well and not having many "carpe diem" or thrillseeking moments anymore.

#3 BlakChamber

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 07:22 AM

The bar scene is what you make of it. When I was in college/grad school, I just went out to have fun with my buddies. There's nothing that says you have to go to the bar to pick up women. Just make the goal of the evening to go out and have a good time with your friends. If you chat up a cute girl, hey, even better than.

Or, just get really really drunk and lose your inhibitions that way.

The demon code prevents me from declining a rock-off challenge.


#4 MSUDoubleJ19

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 09:08 AM

I agree with Blak - fun at the bar depends on your intentions. I have always gone to the bar to drink with friends, enjoy a sports game, etc. and not to meet new people. Even in college I was never looking to meet some random guy - I was open to meeting new people but I wouldn't force the situation, same as today. If I go to a bar with friends and we end up chit chatting with the people around us - cool, but I don't go in there with the intention of meeting people.


If you have social anxiety, you might do best to meet new people in places that you feel comfortable (friend's house for example) rather then places you feel uncomfortable (bars). Keep in mind too, pretty much EVERYONE is different and more comfortable around the people they are close to rather than new people. It helps to have friends with you when you meet new people too - friends can make you more comfortable just by being there. It sounds like you may just need to build up your confidence too. It's a funny thing, people who are socially akward seem in awe at people's ability to make friends - they try to break it down to a science when that's not what it's about. It's as simple as being yourself, being a good person that people want to be around, and being a good listener.


You could always try going to a therapist of some sort to address your anxiety - I'm not suggesting drugs by any means - but sometimes just talking and they may have some different suggestions for you.
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If anything could ever be this good again

#5 Inultus

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:02 PM

Since I bartend and I also make stops at dozens of locals bars for networking purposes I know literally hundreds of people involved in the bar scene.

To be honest I'm not sure if you were looking for some sort of advice or your ranting. Either way, here's my take on the bar scene:

It can be fun if you don't take it too seriously. Don't try to meet girls, as hard as that might be. It's when you are totally non-chalant about everything that they are attracted. Don't have expectations when you meet girl either. You will be disappointed. Find a laid back, small bar with cool staff. They usually draw cool customers of both genders.
"It's been six years since we won the Cup. That's too long." -Nick Lidstrom

"my message is simple: The next time anyone runs any of our guys in a way that shouldn't be done, then a message will be sent. I'm not going to go out and run your skill guys, your superstars. I'm going to go right to the guy (who did it), and fair justice is fair justice." -Downey

#6 JayUp88

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:51 PM

QUOTE (Inultus @ June 19, 2008 - 01:02PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It can be fun if you don't take it too seriously. Don't try to meet girls, as hard as that might be. It's when you are totally non-chalant about everything that they are attracted. Don't have expectations when you meet girl either. You will be disappointed. Find a laid back, small bar with cool staff. They usually draw cool customers of both genders.


Couldn't have said it better.
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#7 wingslogo19

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 01:42 PM

QUOTE (BlakChamber @ June 19, 2008 - 05:22AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The bar scene is what you make of it. When I was in college/grad school, I just went out to have fun with my buddies. There's nothing that says you have to go to the bar to pick up women. Just make the goal of the evening to go out and have a good time with your friends. If you chat up a cute girl, hey, even better than.

Or, just get really really drunk and lose your inhibitions that way.

Agree with that for sure thumbup.gif
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#8 Legendary D In 03

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 02:30 PM

It's just so hard. I go through spells of actually finding the confidence to be that non-chalant and to actually just go and have fun with buddies, and nothing happens at all. I appreciate the advice, all. It just seems so very hard.
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#9 Doggy

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (Legendary D In 03 @ June 19, 2008 - 02:30PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's just so hard. I go through spells of actually finding the confidence to be that non-chalant and to actually just go and have fun with buddies, and nothing happens at all. I appreciate the advice, all. It just seems so very hard.
-LDi03

It's all about mindset bro. These girls are lucky to meet a bloke like you. That's what you gotta be thinking when you approach one. The ones that are ******* and ignore you are probably not worth meeting anyway.
Rough as guts.

#10 MSUDoubleJ19

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 07:56 PM

QUOTE (Legendary D In 03 @ June 19, 2008 - 10:30AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's just so hard. I go through spells of actually finding the confidence to be that non-chalant and to actually just go and have fun with buddies, and nothing happens at all. I appreciate the advice, all. It just seems so very hard.
-LDi03



Plus, try to stay out of the woe is me mentality. It's not just you that experiences that, or that feels that way. We all are self-concious, we all don't always know what to say, we all can be akward. Don't get sucked into the boo-hoo of "why can't I . . . " or "it's not fair . . . " or "nothing ever happens" or think that nobody understands. Your experience is a common one. Try to look more at the positive than negative, and I know that sounds corny or easier said than done.
And I wonder
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

#11 SouthernWingsFan

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 08:45 PM

LDI03, To follow up on what most others have said (now that I have finally figured out from the title, HEY IT IS ABOUT BEING AT A BAR and not other life stuff biggrin.gif)...

I'm not much of a constant/continuous yapper in public, but I like to talk and have conversation and I'm not going to act like I live under a rock when I'm at a bar or restaurant. At the same time though, I'm not going to just intentionally snoop around being nosy trying to get into other people's conversations at every spot of the establishment.

Pretty much like everybody else in here in a similar setting, I have never gone out to bars or restaurants with the ultimate intention of trying to take a girl home,or to try to meet and make 17 new friends for the evening. It's a waste of effort and it would give the impression that I am "trying too hard" and people will tell me to back off. 99 times out of 100 in my experiences if I see women at bars who I don't know their purpose is definitely not to initially talk to me or score a man for the evening.

I just like to hang out in places like that, eat my food or have a few drinks and if I'm standing or sitting right next to a few people, I might listen to what they are talking about or I'll be cordial and say hi/how are you doing etc. but I'm not going to be sharing my life story. Just normal conversation and letting the situation flow naturally.

With all that being said, nothing annoys me more at a bar when I am minding my own business or having a normal conversation with somebody and somebody who is too drunk or loud comes crowding in on my space and tries to make drunk conversation and the like.

Edited by SouthernWingsFan, 19 June 2008 - 08:47 PM.


#12 DaKineMaui

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 03:39 AM

QUOTE (Legendary D In 03 @ June 18, 2008 - 11:49PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was in middle school ten years ago and didn't have many friends. High school, I thought; new people, clean slate, perhaps a chance to be a bit happier. No dice. Same deal with the transition from high school to college. Same deal with the transition to drinking illegally at parties to being able to go to bars and mingle. I might add that I have a kind of severe social anxiety (which is really hilarious if you're actually close friends with me, because I'm anything but anxious around those who I'm close with) which has actually made me feel physically ill in situations such as approaching a cute girl at the bar or asking a girl out. I can't get around it. Ever. But, when I do, I basically get over-excited about what awaits me on the horizon and play what resembles a game of Jenga with my own emotions. Eventually, the tower topples. When this happens, I get wise. I then use this wisdom to make sure that the same thing won't happen again. But, it inevitably does; just in a different manner than before.

I've had enough.
-LDi03.
-('08)


Stop yer bitching. Go get her.


#13 Rivalred

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 05:14 AM

My cousin met his 1st fiance at the bar... She could drink a Irishman under the table... She busted a beer bottle onto the back of his head...


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#14 Doggy

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 06:34 AM

QUOTE (Rivalred @ June 20, 2008 - 05:14AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My cousin met his 1st fiance at the bar... She could drink a Irishman under the table... She busted a beer bottle onto the back of his head...

That is soooo romantic.


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#15 Inultus

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 02:20 PM

QUOTE (SouthernWingsFan @ June 19, 2008 - 09:45PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Pretty much like everybody else in here in a similar setting, I have never gone out to bars or restaurants with the ultimate intention of trying to take a girl home,or to try to meet and make 17 new friends for the evening. It's a waste of effort and it would give the impression that I am "trying too hard" and people will tell me to back off. 99 times out of 100 in my experiences if I see women at bars who I don't know their purpose is definitely not to initially talk to me or score a man for the evening.


I've definitely gone out with the intention of taking a girl home, I just don't act like that is my intention. My personal record from meeting a girl to having her in my bed is 2 hours. And she was really hot too.

Read this link and that's all you need to know about bars:

http://www.moderndru...booze_rules.htm

Edited by Inultus, 20 June 2008 - 02:21 PM.

"It's been six years since we won the Cup. That's too long." -Nick Lidstrom

"my message is simple: The next time anyone runs any of our guys in a way that shouldn't be done, then a message will be sent. I'm not going to go out and run your skill guys, your superstars. I'm going to go right to the guy (who did it), and fair justice is fair justice." -Downey

#16 MSUDoubleJ19

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 02:38 PM

QUOTE (Inultus @ June 20, 2008 - 10:20AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've definitely gone out with the intention of taking a girl home, I just don't act like that is my intention. My personal record from meeting a girl to having her in my bed is 2 hours. And she was really hot too.

Read this link and that's all you need to know about bars:

http://www.moderndru...booze_rules.htm


Gross.
And I wonder
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

#17 Rivalred

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 06:34 PM

QUOTE (Inultus @ June 20, 2008 - 03:20PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've definitely gone out with the intention of taking a girl home, I just don't act like that is my intention. My personal record from meeting a girl to having her in my bed is 2 hours. And she was really hot too.

Read this link and that's all you need to know about bars:

http://www.moderndru...booze_rules.htm


And YOUR the one calling me a jack ass the other day...

Ha!


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#18 SouthernWingsFan

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 11:04 PM

QUOTE (Inultus @ June 20, 2008 - 02:20PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've definitely gone out with the intention of taking a girl home, I just don't act like that is my intention. My personal record from meeting a girl to having her in my bed is 2 hours. And she was really hot too.

Read this link and that's all you need to know about bars:

http://www.moderndru...booze_rules.htm

You'll never ever see me trying to woo women with sappy poetry or corny love lyrics or "romance" or "sensitive" stuff like that, but at the same time I just never understood the mentality of just taking advantage of total strangers in a high-tempo/pressure (or any pressure for that matter) setting to get them into bed.

If you think I'm a wussy or a word that rhymes with that with a different first letter and that makes you feel better because of this, by all means think that.

Unless I have a significant other or go on a few dates with somebody and I know it could get somewhere serious, I'm not taking anybody home just for the "sport" of it. Sorry, treating women and total strangers like sport and having one-night stands taking advantage of women isn't my cup of tea.

#19 Inultus

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 01:25 PM

QUOTE (SouthernWingsFan @ June 21, 2008 - 12:04AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry, treating women and total strangers like sport and having one-night stands taking advantage of women isn't my cup of tea.


Hey, we all do stupid stuff when we are young. I wasn't trying to condone that behavior, I was just commenting on it. And FWIW, most of the time it's the women who are treating the men like sport, that's just my personal observation from bartending.

MOF, last night I was working and I had a guy start crying because the woman who was "supposed" to go home with him left with someone else who she barely knew. Felt really bad for the guy, but that's the bar scene, plain and simple. That's why I said don't have expectations about anyone you meet at the bar.

"It's been six years since we won the Cup. That's too long." -Nick Lidstrom

"my message is simple: The next time anyone runs any of our guys in a way that shouldn't be done, then a message will be sent. I'm not going to go out and run your skill guys, your superstars. I'm going to go right to the guy (who did it), and fair justice is fair justice." -Downey

#20 HenrikRules40

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Posted 24 June 2008 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (Inultus @ June 20, 2008 - 03:20PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've definitely gone out with the intention of taking a girl home, I just don't act like that is my intention. My personal record from meeting a girl to having her in my bed is 2 hours. And she was really hot too.

Read this link and that's all you need to know about bars:

http://www.moderndru...booze_rules.htm


You disgust me.





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