Antilles328 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Zetterberg is arguably the most complete players in today's game. I feel compelled to testify to The Legend of Z Z single handedly kills 5 on 3 penalties. Z is the league's first ever 3-way player as he added goaltending to his offensive and defensive prowess saving at least 2 goals in the first two games. Z shoots so hard that half of the time the goalie vacates the net to avoid injury/death. Z has never been challenged to a fight because oppossing players fear his sheer awesomeness unconstrained by a helmet will melt their faces like the Nazi's in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Malkin had to team up with SATAN himself just to keep from being wiped from existence. Z is so in-tune with the ice/rink he controls the bounces and the boards. Remember; it wasn't luck, Z did it. Z finds single games/scoring goals almost beneath him, instead facing off against Gary Bettman via a proxy battle of Datsyuk vs. Crosby. Z's champion was taken from him by the vile Bettman so Z has negated Crosby from the game. Z's sheer awesomeness can't be contained with in a single human body, often leading to back problems. To alleviate this, Z often wills his overflowing brilliance to Datsyuk, Helm, or more recently, Abdelkader Z changed Crysob's last name to Crosby because he didn't want it to be TOO obvious. Have you seen Emma Andersson? Z goes by the psuedonym "Ken Holland" when he isn't playing Feel free to testify my brothers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BewareThePenguin 1 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yzersyukstromberg 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! Why don't you just go back to your Penguin boards, loser??? I thought you were a 'classy' Pens fan?? Wait, wait...those don't exist. Jealousy is a tough pill to swallow.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jvxp 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! Hey the dick is back. Pens suck and so do you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yzersyukstromberg 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! double post... Edited June 1, 2009 by Yzersyukstromberg Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RedFX 48 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Antilles328 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) Z slept with BewareThePenguin's mom because he pitied her for having BewareThePenguin for a child. She remains a Red Wings fan to this day. Testify! Edited June 1, 2009 by Antilles328 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
#18 the _Hoss_ 2 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Zetterberg is arguably the most complete players in today's game. I feel compelled to testify to The Legend of Z Malkin had to team up with SATAN himself just to keep from being wiped from existence. Z changed Crysob's last name to Crosby because he didn't want it to be TOO obvious. Priceless !!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maltbymaniac 13 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 I LOVE IT.they have to resort to somthing.LMFAO s***tsburg sucks and there fans r lazy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Datsyerberger 279 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Have you seen Emma Andersson? Yes please. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
b.shanafan14 733 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! Z in his infinite mercy granted Malkin the first punches and stick strikes along with the pre-existing 4" of goonness, and after brief restraint by Satan, Z provided light fist-blows of knowledge to the youthful and stupid Malkin, not wanting to sully his glorious fists on the swollen inner tube lips of his beat opponent. Z is a benevolent golden-god, preferring to glance at a victorious score-board than the whimpering baby-face of a beaten child. "No, no! Look at his face! He's got the mind of a child. It's not his fault." *insert ending of fight in Beyond Thunderdome, when Blaster is revealed as a dim-wit* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chris L 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Yes please. here you go: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Antilles328 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Z in his infinite mercy granted Malkin the first punches and stick strikes along with the pre-existing 4" of goonness, and after brief restraint by Satan, Z provided light fist-blows of knowledge to the youthful and stupid Malkin, not wanting to sully his glorious fists on the swollen inner tube lips of his beat opponent. Z's fight with Malkin was one of pity. Malkin will almost single handledly win game 3 as he has been touched by Z's bare skin and his skills will be increased ten-fold. I predict 7 or 8 goals, second only to Z's 14, plus 1 by a Red Wing who hasn't officially had their rookie year yet. Testify! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zion 93 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! You're kidding, right? Malkin's "punches" had me thinking only one thing: Alexander Semin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WizardofOz 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You're kidding, right? Malkin's "punches" had me thinking only one thing: Alexander Semin Malkin's face has me thinking only one thing: Sloth from the Goonies Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KocursRightHand 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Z's fight with Malkin was one of pity. Malkin will almost single handledly win game 3 as he has been touched by Z's bare skin and his skills will be increased ten-fold. I predict 7 or 8 goals, second only to Z's 14, plus 1 by a Red Wing who hasn't officially had their rookie year yet. Testify! Gordie Howe will sign a 10 day contract, come back and on his first shift, will beat Fleury glove side from center ice. He will then bestow his light saber of a hockey stick upon Z who will hoist it up toward the pantheon where Gordie, Stevie Y, Teddy, and Terry will be looking down approvingly. Z will then let out a piercing yawp and decapitate every Penguin in sight forcing them to forfeit the series as Mario Lemieux weeps over Crosby's scorched helmet. er, something like this... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooon 1,089 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 lol.... the OP has it absolutely right. The con-smythe is OK, imo. But oh man Emma. Now THAAAAAAT is an accomplishment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phazon 24 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 I love how penguins fans are crying over that puck covering thing when NHL blatantly let Malkin get away from a legit suspension. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Electrophile 3,554 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! I'll take the girlie-punch throwing guy over anyone on your team any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Electrophile 3,554 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Gordie Howe will sign a 10 day contract, come back and on his first shift, will beat Fleury glove side from center ice. He will then bestow his light saber of a hockey stick upon Z who will hoist it up toward the pantheon where Gordie, Stevie Y, Teddy, and Terry will be looking down approvingly. Z will then let out a piercing yawp and decapitate every Penguin in sight forcing them to forfeit the series as Mario Lemieux weeps over Crosby's scorched helmet. er, something like this... I just visualized this. I cannot stop laughing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tommingthepuck96 1 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 Im not *** but i saw Z in anahiem, and i have to say you have to add to that list that Z is pretty good looking cat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
titanium2 867 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) Great quote from Babs on Z: "I believe he has a will tank deeper than anybody I've ever been associated with. As much as all the other attributes he has, to me, that's his greatest one. His drive train is fantastic." http://blog.mlive.com/snapshots/2009/06/re...abcock_p_1.html Edited June 1, 2009 by titanium2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lidstrom for life 20 Report post Posted June 2, 2009 Im not *** but i saw Z in anahiem, and i have to say you have to add to that list that Z is pretty good looking cat. My girlfriend agrees. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eizzo03 0 Report post Posted June 2, 2009 Z's sheer awesomeness can't be contained with in a single human body, often leading to back problems. To alleviate this, Z often wills his overflowing brilliance to Datsyuk, Helm, or more recently, Abdelkader This made me laugh out loud. The idea that his random back spasms are because he's just too awesome - I love it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cirov19 1 Report post Posted June 2, 2009 (edited) You forgot "best puck-in-the-crease- covering, girlie-punch-throwing, dive-into-empty-net filling" player on earth. Testify! So Malkin got beat by a girl? And what's wrong with diving into an empty net? To the OP: hilarious! Hank doesn't have to make physical contact to win fights -- eye contact will do. Edited June 2, 2009 by cirov19 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
