10 replies to this topic

[Crymson]

http://thewashington...r-tsa-pat-down/

NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.

“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”

Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.

“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”

Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.

By Garrett Baldwin

www.twitter.com/GarrettBaldwin

[55fan]

That was hilarious.

[WizardOfOz30]

[Bring Back The Bruise Bros]

This man is a hero. If more and more people did things like this, this whole nazi groping deal would vanish.

[55fan]

This man is a hero. If more and more people did things like this, this whole nazi groping deal would vanish.

...and then as soon as someone got through security with something, there would be public indignation as to why that person was able to get whatever it was through security.

I'd rather someone give me the once-over than someone hijack the plane.

[Bring Back The Bruise Bros]

...and then as soon as someone got through security with something, there would be public indignation as to why that person was able to get whatever it was through security.

I'd rather someone give me the once-over than someone hijack the plane.

I'm not saying there should be no security at airports. Why should you have to sacrifice your rights to assure your safety? The fundamental purpose of government is to protect the wellbeing of its citizens while protecting their rights.

[55fan]

I'm not saying there should be no security at airports. Why should you have to sacrifice your rights to assure your safety? The fundamental purpose of government is to protect the wellbeing of its citizens while protecting their rights.

I hear you there, but the bad guys don't play fair.

If they find out that the government can't check your *******, they'll hide something there. Then how does the government protect the rest of us? By checking our assholes. We ought to have the right to leave our doors unlocked, but the bad guys don't play by the rules, so we can't.

It's a problem as old as law enforcement. We play by the rules; they break them.

[WizardOfOz30]

They just recently had a story on the news about things that get past security now. That's one way to help out the criminals and terrorists, let everyone know how they're breaching security! It's always a double edge sword when it comes to how the situation can be handled.

[wingslogo19]

Wow

[Kindl Surprise]

Sounds like he really gave those security officers a hard time

[Rivalred]

"He's so bugley he's like a moose"