Just remember that the Onion is satire, and is not meant to be taken seriously...
Looks like some big guns are coming to the table on both sides today. Beyond the usual 4 (Bettman, Daly, Fehr & Fehr), looks like Jacobs (Boston), Leipold (Minnesota), Edwards (Calgary) and Leonsis (Washington) will be present for the League. The PA will have Craig Adams, Brad Boyes, Chris Campoli, David Clarkson, Dan Cleary, Carlo Colaiacovo, Sidney Crosby, Mathieu Darche, Shane Doan, Shawn Horcoff, Jarome Iginla, Robyn Regehr, Eric Staal, Matt Stajan, Shawn Thornton, Jonathan Toews, Kevin Westgarth, and Dan Winnik.
Good to see two Wings players there.
In a conference room where the NHLPA are meeting, a man is at the drawing board writing equations trying to explain the financial implications of the NHL's proposal.
One of the players stands up "So if we meet projections for league growth we will still be losing a substantial amount on contracts already signed. But what if the fans really are pissed off for being locked out 3 consecutive times? What if they don't come back this time? What if..."
He is interrupted by a creepy looking clown barging into the room with makeup that appears to be rain smeared although it's not raining.
Everyone turns around to see what the commotion is all about. The room is silent now all eyes on the clown
"It's simple" he says
"We kill the Bettman"