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Possible to stay friends with someone who "shot" you down?


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#1 Duck Guy

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Posted 20 July 2013 - 01:24 AM

What do you guys and gals think? Is it possible to keep a friendly relationship with someone after they reject your request to take them out to dinner? I am not talking a long life friend just like an ex coworker you have lunch with every month or so and text once and awhile. Thinking of asking an ex coworker out that I still keep in contact with but if she says no I do not want it to destroy our friendly relationship.Do you think something like that would be to awkward to deal with in the future?


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#2 55fan

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Posted 20 July 2013 - 08:14 AM

Sometimes a dinner is just a dinner.  Sometimes people see it as more.  Turning you down for dinner doesn't mean the end of a friendship, it just means that she doesn't want to have dinner with you.

 

It could be that she sees it as a date and just likes you as a friend and doesn't want you to get the wrong idea.  It could be that she doesn't like to eat in public or on dates (doesn't necessarily mean that she has a phobia or eating disorder, but if she does, it's no reflection on you).  There could be a number of reasons.

 

If you have mutual friends, ask her to join you in a group activity.  I was just reading an article yesterday about how texting gets more "yes" answers for dates than calling, and asking to join a group gets more "yes" answers than asking for a date.

 

The article suggested going out with some friends and texting her and saying, "Hey.  We're all at Senor Bubba's Casa del Squid (or whatever).  Come down and join us."  Just go in to it with the mindset that you're meeting friends for a good time and if she shows up, that's gravy on the cake.

 

Good luck!


Edited by 55fan, 20 July 2013 - 08:14 AM.

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#3 Duck Guy

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Posted 21 July 2013 - 11:48 PM

thanks for the help.... i txted her freind to see if she was single before i asked turns out she has had a GF for about 3 years now.... its ok i did not need a soul anyways /end of melodramatic 


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#4 55fan

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Posted 22 July 2013 - 03:09 AM

Good call checking to see if she was available first.  That can save a herd of awkward moments later, not to mention wasted time fixating now.

 

Plenty of starfish in the sea.  Enjoy your youth while you have it.  Hang out with friends and don't be afraid to try new things and meet new people.  You might be surprised where chicks are to be found.  I've found former boyfriends through mutual friends as well as at school, church, work, and convenience stores.  Do yourself a favour- skip that last one. 

 

Good luck.  You seem like a very cool, nice, smart guy.  Once you get a few years experience in the dating world, it will come easier.  There are lumps along the way, but you've found that out already.  Life will go on, and you never know what it will bring when it does.


Money on the board:  Current total: 0

$1 for a goal by any current Wing after whom I have named a hamster.  An additional $5 for a series-clinching goal scored by any current Wing after whom I have named a hamster. $5 if the other team fails to score against a current Wing goalie after whom I have named a hamster.

Hamsters I have had:  (current Wings highlighted)

Henrik Pavel Tomas Nicklas Dominik

Niklas Matthew Daniel Robert

Johan Andreas Valtteri Jonathan

Andrew Patrick Ian Todd

Jordin Damien Gustav James


#5 Crymson

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Posted 22 July 2013 - 03:21 PM

thanks for the help.... i txted her freind to see if she was single before i asked turns out she has had a GF for about 3 years now.... its ok i did not need a soul anyways /end of melodramatic 

 

So she's doubly unavailable. That makes it easier.



#6 Duck Guy

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Posted 24 July 2013 - 03:25 AM

Good call checking to see if she was available first.  That can save a herd of awkward moments later, not to mention wasted time fixating now.
 
Plenty of starfish in the sea.  Enjoy your youth while you have it.  Hang out with friends and don't be afraid to try new things and meet new people.  You might be surprised where chicks are to be found.  I've found former boyfriends through mutual friends as well as at school, church, work, and convenience stores.  Do yourself a favour- skip that last one. 
 
Good luck.  You seem like a very cool, nice, smart guy.  Once you get a few years experience in the dating world, it will come easier.  There are lumps along the way, but you've found that out already.  Life will go on, and you never know what it will bring when it does.

  

So she's doubly unavailable. That makes it easier.

Haha double unavailable I like that.... Idk I was so shocked when I heard that it like came out of left field cuz I was like 90% sure she didn't have a boyfreind looks like I was right in a way :/
at least I still have the freind zone lol

Thanks 55 that is really nice of you to say that:) this experience will go in the books. Barely anyone gets through this crazy thing with "the one" without getting their heart trampled on once and while just how It is.

Edited by Duck Guy, 24 July 2013 - 03:27 AM.

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