okay so i'm standing in front of my toilet just as i'm starting to take a whiz, and all of the sudden i feel this tickling on my foot (i was barefoot). So i look down to see this ******* HUGE ******* SPIDER that had just crawled over my foot and was heading right for my other foot!Seriously, this thing was almost the size of a tarantula! it had to be almost 1.5-2 inches big, IT WAS f*****g HUGE!!!! I like FLIPPED out and jumped back against the wall to try and not let that thing get at my **** foot! keep in mind i had just started to pee and once you start, you KNOW you can't stop, so pee is now going all over the place as i do this ****** up little dance to stay away from this spider, who now starts to panic and running around at this crazy hyper speed! then the ******* thing starts running for the door, unfortunately, i am between the door and it!
Maybe two seconds have elapsed now, so i've got a LONG way to go in this pee still, i'm trying to aim it somewhere at the toilet (it's missing), and now i've got this huge spider charging me! I don't know WHY i did this, but i had to use the ONLY weapon that i had at my disposal, so i aimed my
pee-stream right at the spider! i hit the ****** DEAD ON, and he didn't like that one bit, and made a direct 90 degree turn and headed VERY quickly straight for the wall with the radiator! I don't know what i was thinking, but i did my best to keep peeing after the thing, and then the thing pops out from the radiator RIGHT NEXT TO ME and tries to bolt out the door, and i'm like PANICKING so I try and pee on him, but he like SHOOTS by me into the hall and I twirl around, for some ****** up reason, and TRY AND FOLLOW THE ******!. So I'm like hobbling after this spider with my jeans now around my ankles, hobbling into the hallway with pee going ALL OVER THE PLACE and still trying to **** on this huge **** spider! This took all of about 7 seconds, from first tickle to me running into the hallway peeing all over the place, and then the ******* runs down the stairs! It's about now that I finally ask myself WHAT THE **** AM I DOING, standing in the hallway with my pants around my ankles holding my **** and aiming a stream of urine down the stairs, so i quickly hop back to the bathroom and finish what was left into the sink (it was closer then the toilet).
So now, with my pants soaked in pee, i'm standing there in front of the sink wondering WHAT THE **** I JUST DID! Now there is pee on EVERY SINGLE SURFACE of the bathroom, all over all the magazines, on EVERY wall, the floor is one big pool of pee, there's pee in the sink, on the mirror, probably on the ceiling, the whole basket of extra TP is now useless becasue of pee on it, my pants and undies are SOAKED in pee, the lower half of the front part of my shirt is soaked in pee, there's pee ALL OVER THE **** HALLWAY AND DOWN THE ******** STAIRS, and now the whole place reeks of pee AND THERE IS STILL SOME HUGE PEE-SPIDER ROAMING THE HOUSE SOMEWHERE!
So i just threw my clothes in the wash, and i'm gonna take a really fast shower, then try to clean up this huge damn mess as i wonder HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA EXPLAIN THIS ONE TO MY MOM.
I'm ******. And i smell like pee.
TheXymMember Since 05 Dec 2010
Offline Last Active Today, 12:00 PM
- Group Silver Booster
- Active Posts 5,717
- Profile Views 8,534
- Member Title LGW's resident bass player
- Age 44 years old
- Birthday December 20, 1971
Music (I teach high school choir, music theory, music history, and music technology plus play bass in several bands as well as freelance on keys); Reading sci-fi, fantasy, and military fiction; plus a wide variety of other stuff.
- Xbox Live TheXym