Probert 5 For Fighting

Here I sit, watching the first rounds most exciting matchup(WAS/PHI), and the effort and excitement brought by both teams is sullied by the mere presence of one Pierre Maguire. First and foremost, the dude spends most of the time sandwiched between two benches. Nobody like you, dude. You're too much of a health risk with your dumbassitude in the booth, so they get you as far away from there as possible and you make a ****** out of yourself every time you attempt to conduct on-ice interviews. Hey, let's ask complicated english questions to Alexander Ovechkin! Brilliant! Second, the dude might be the most pompous, arrogant bastard around. And it's unbelievable to fathom why. I mean, look at the guy. He'd be prison meat in a kindergarten class room. Him and John Clayton are proof that creepy little aliens came down and raped our wimmenz. And THIS guy has the balls to sit there and talk smack about every move a coach or player makes, and act as if everything he says is gospel and poignant? Kiss my sack. Sorry, I'm sure this third-rate human being has been discussed around here before, but it boiled over for me when I saw his little douchey ass trying to discredit Mike Milbury on live TV. Oy.

Thank you for sparing me the agony of refuting that post. McGuire and "knowledge" doesn't compute.

Since I'm such a critical a-hole, I guess it's only appropriate to say who I think stand above the fray. Agreed with the Darren Pang, Bill Clement suggestions. Very good commentating, they never stray from the action, and they display the right kind of enthusiasm(not the Mcguire 'i wanna shoot you in the head' kind). And a subtle recommendation for John Davidson - I thought he was fine, mostly because I remember him from all those NHL '98 in-game videos. Gary Thorne is disqualified because he covers everything for ESPN. I want hockey guys, damn it. But I will admit, every memory I have from our Cup Years is accompanied by his play-by-play in the background. I guess he's solid then. "IT COUNTS! IT COUNTS!" The guys over at VS are meh. Keith Jones and Eddie are your typical dumb former players who are all cutesy and nostalgic in the booth. They're not as bad as player-turned-analysts in other sports(Jalen Rose, Jamal Mashburn, Emmitt Smith, John Kruk)..but they're not great either.

There's probably a higher-rated professional bull riding program upending us from the premium time slots. Oh, Gary Bettman...

Quick thoughts - -Wasn't the proof in the pudding all season long with Anaheim and San Jose? The two chic picks in the Western Conference, simply put, have a severe problem offensively. They just don't have any forwards scoring outside of the big guns(Thornton, Getzlaf). Granted, SJ scored 3 quick ones yesterday...but they might have had two quality scoring chances the rest of the way. And was I the only one that noticed how slow they looked out there? Don't tell me Detroit is old and slow with the molasses I saw in Sharks jerseys yesterday. Thornton, Rismiller....pretty much everyone but Marleau played like they were 50. It's a testament to how misguided the national media is about us when you see how well we skate compared to ANA and SJ. -I'm not a believer in mystical stuff like "choking" or "clutch"....but Thornton is choking. He's been Godawful. I think Bob Rouse could push him off the puck right now. -HUGE props to Calgary's fans. The Joe, like any other American arena, probably would have shut their traps and left in a slow drizzle the rest of the game. The Flames fans were cheering right after they made it 3-0. They really back up their guys. And when Sarich flattened Marleau...I knew something was good was going for them. This reminds me EXACTLY of the Detroit-Edmonton series back in 06. SJ is the much-hyped Cup contender, and they're getting beaten up and their big bodies(like Lang, Shanny and co. back in 06) are getting left in the dust out there. I don't want to say the series is over...but man.

Passionate? I never really sensed that with Pepe Mcguire. Pompousness and a self-inflated sense of his own hockey knowledge, yes, but not really passion. When you're sitting by yourself for 3 hours at ice level amongst a roaring crowd, you tend to sound loud - but that doesn't make you passionate. It just makes you an *******. And what's innovative about the being between the benches? It is easily the worst development since the return of the NHL, and utterly creepy. Why in God's name is that alien engaging in conversation with Mike Babcock...on the power play...during a freaking game? It's frightening! Get the hell out of there. Wasn't it just 4 years ago when you were expected only to hear from an asst. coach between periods with John Keating? Now we've got that little runt literally standing in the Redwings bench in the midst of an actual game. I can only imagine the s*** the guys say about that guy. And I thought it was his job to analyze the game candidly. The only way you can do that is in the booth, and that's the end of it. No between-the-benches hilarity. For all we know, NBC is outsmarting us by planning to put him right there inside the goalie nets. He can report all the flatulence and nefarious doings afoot in the face of the goalies *******. "Don, I think Dominik Hasek just pinched a loaf RIGHT ON MY FOREHEAD! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE! That's old time hockey! Call a timeout and commemorate this occasion, Babs! I'm one of the guys now!"

Washington looks like an ugly mess right now, mostly due to Philly's defensive pressure. Passes are going behind everyone, and they're constantly being forced out of the zone. Great bounce back for Philly thus far.

Where's Jakub at with his development? I've heard a lot more negative than positive about him lately.

Ohhh, Melrose. Melrose, Melrose, Melrose. I wouldn't even know where to start with the good-haired one. I'll just say that he's like the majority of national analysts who have absolutely no clue about the make up of the Redwings. "They're old!" "They play in the Central" "I love picking the Sharks to win it every year! They're bound to prove me right after 25 years of predicting it!"

Scott's father deserves a little bit more respect than that! The Gomez's comprise 96% of the leagues hispanic fandom! EDIT: FWIW, Mendoza from the Mighty Ducks movie makes up the other 4%. Though he seems to have shapeshifted into the worthless Martin Erat in recent years.