55fan

That's a loaded question. When I was young and able, I could do simple things like replacing a door and building a deck. Now I'm hard pressed to change a lightbulb.

or not Danny,

Danny!

We have too much man on the ice any time Z's beard is on the ice. Much too manly. Pah. Even 5 on 3 we're still more manly.

As the lead of Van Halen? David Lee. Solo, I'd go with Sammy. But I'm old. Better beard: Kyle Quincey or Brent Burns?

Not actually a story, but amusing

C3PO has the best lines. Florida Panthers or Carolina Panthers?

This is why we can't have nice things.

Good period. Keep this up, boys.

And now... a guy called in so I left work early and have to go back later. Instead of missing the beginning, I'll miss a bit of the end. GO WINGS! Have it sewn up by the time I have to leave!

NHL . com says the game is on at 2 ET. Someone is going to have to yell extra hard for the first two periods. Hopefully I'll be home from work to take over yelling duties by the third period. GO WINGS!

That's a good fit. The Lions have been finding new ways to deflate our balls for years.

I like to do a quick peek to see who is playing and when. It used to have 6 or so games that you could see when you logged on. Now it's about 3. The website was one thing that they had right before. At least you can access the standings in the same way. That's mostly what I go there for.

Add my thanks for getting us back up and running. I almost had to start arguing hockey with myself.

Bettman almost looked scared as Scott towered over him. I'm loving it.

Actual goaltending in an ASG? Maybe a million dollars makes a difference. They might be on to something.

Loved Scott dissing JR in the interview. JR admitted he was wrong about Scott going to the ASG. Scott told him it wasn't the only thing he's been wrong about (or something like that). JR is one of those guys I love to hate.

Same here. Jagr's reaction was hilarious. There was some serious skill there too, but the funny was strong with Burns.

Funny stuff in the breakaway contest.

Way to go, Larkin! Way to represent! Even managed the interview well.

My friend's son started college this fall. I was his Sunday school teacher in 4th and 5th grades, so we know each other pretty well. He is one of the most hilarious people I've ever met. I can talk to him for hours and laugh the whole time. When he left for school, I told him that if he ever needed anything to feel free to call or text or facebook. We'd gotten together to talk on facebook a lot before he started to meet people there. Mostly we just joked around, but some of it was serious. He's rather shy, especially around girls, so we talked about how to meet girls a lot too. He knows I have a keen interest in all things medical, so he asked me (on facebook) one Saturday about a medical question. His stools were black. I ran through the checklist of things it could be. Nothing. I told him to keep me posted. On Sunday they'd turned green. I asked him a lot of questions about what he'd eaten etc. I was pretty sure at this point that it was just something he ate, but I made sure he knew where his insurance card was (he didn't know) and where the hospital was (he didn't know) and I made him promise that he would go in if he experienced any of a long list of symptoms I gave him. Monday was Labor Day, so I figured he'd be sleeping in. I texted him around noon to see how he was doing. We had rarely texted before, but I was at work, and I don't have a smartphone (I know, right?) so I kept it short and sweet: "Have you pooped today and what colour was it?" I didn't get a response. I waited and about an hour later he texted back. He was driving a girl(!) to the store and being a responsible adult, he chose not to text and drive. Instead, he had her read the message to him. He thanked me for that.

I think he was out of it. I've done things out of it (as in drunk) that I'd never do sober, but a person is responsible for his actions. I wouldn't give a terribly big suspension as if he had run a ref with the intent to injure the ref, but if a player is responsible for his stick on a high-sticking penalty, he should be responsible for it in this case too. I'd definitely give a suspension, but not as harsh as someone who intentionally whacked a ref. Any number in the higher single-digits to low double-digits is good with me. Of course if there is more evidence, such as camera angles, then that would change things.

Another graveyard shift story- This was many, many years ago. A guy came in wearing a baseball cap, glasses, sandals, one of those half t-shirts, and a g-string. He was followed by another guy who was giggling and carrying a video camera. This was back in the days before smart phones and (fortunately) the internet as we know it. Videotaping was not allowed in the store, but since there was no way of it getting out for the world to see, I didn't stop him and just went along to see how it all played out. The guy in the g-string strutted (like he had anything worth strutting) back to the pop section of the cooler. I kept a straight face. It just about killed me, but I managed to look bored. He brought his pop to the counter and gave me a $10. I gave him his change. He held the coins in his hand but put the bills in the g-string, saying, "I like to keep my bills in here." You know how you always think of something funny to say when it's too late? Yeah. I'd been keeping the perfect straight face, but the perfect comeback was out of my mouth before I could stop it. As soon as he tucked the bills in the g-string, I said, "Good thing they're small bills." His friend was doubled over laughing, unable to tape. The guy turned beet red and I had to crack a smile. Wanting to let him off the hook, I said, "Is this for a bet or dare or something?" He chuckled and went back to the same strutting-type personality he had before and said, "Why no. Why do you ask?" They left laughing. I smiled and had fits of giggles for the rest of the night.

I work in a gas station. That's all the intro this needs. One night I was working graveyards and a guy came in and announced to the entire place that his ass was chafing. He was wearing those long silky basketball shorts and had tucked them into his butt crack. He asked if I would recommend vasoline or baby powder. I knew we carried vasoline so I recommended it. He bought some, opened it up, stuck his fingers in the jar and proceeded to stick his hand down the back of his shorts RIGHT THERE AT THE COUNTER! Then he announced that he was going to have to shave his ass because his butt hairs made the vasoline clumpy.

The previous two things were things I wrote about in the thread referenced before. This one I didn't share at that time. I used to work in a factory. The machines were lined up, six in a row down the middle in sets of two, and other machines along the walls. When you worked in the middle set of two, you would often feel like someone was right behind you peering over your shoulder. You'd turn and no one would be there. After a couple of weeks, I would spin suddenly, and still no one would be there. The supervisor, Joe, saw me do it once and came over. He said that they never tell new people about the phenomena; they just watch and see if it effects them. He said everyone feels that way when they're working at that station. One of the work stations involved climbing a ladder up to a platform. You could see out over the whole place. Sometimes I had to wait for the machine to catch up, so I'd look over the railing. I'd watch the people at the middle machines, and if I watched long enough, they'd do the spinning around thing. The company bought a new building and we moved out of that one. They tried to sell it, but only managed to rent out the office space. They donated the factory area to the local food pantry for storage and assembling of food packs. Many years later, Joe and I were talking about the old plant with a new worker. We described the feeling, but hadn't mentioned where the old plant was located. She said she'd experienced the same thing when she volunteered at the food pantry. We got her to pin-point the location in the building, and it was the same one. She said the food pantry people have the same issue.