BottleOfSmoke

Please don't do that, now I'm gonna get him confused with the Player Formerly Known as Steve. Or was it Agent Orange? f***.

Apparently at my house.

*runs into thread* DID SOMEONE SAY HAMPUS MELEN?! That's it he's a superstar. Everyone on the Hampus wagon!

@SiriusXMNHL: BREAKING NEWS- @NHL announces new rule changes. Here's the details. http://t.co/JOsUKJMrPI Do you like the changes http://t.co/lfBca3cvb0 Edit to add rules: From the link above- Rule 1.8 Rink - Goalkeeper's Restricted Area The trapezoid will be expanded by two feet from the goal post on both sides of the net. Rule 23 Game Misconduct Penalties A new Game Misconduct category will be created. Clipping, charging, elbowing, interference, kneeing, head-butting and butt-ending move from the general category into the same category as boarding and checking from behind ("Physical Fouls"), whereby a player who incurs two such game misconducts in this category would now be automatically suspended for one game. Rule 24 Penalty Shot The 'Spin-O-Rama' move, as described in Section 24.2 of the 2013-14 NHL Rule Book, will no longer be permitted either in Penalty Shot situations or in the Shootout. Rule 38 Video Goal Judge Video review will be expanded in the following areas: * Rule 38.4 (viii) has been modified to allow broader discretion to Hockey Operations to assist the referees in determining the legitimacy of all potential goals (e.g., to ensure they are "good hockey goals"). The revised Rule will allow Hockey Operations to correct a broader array of situations where video review clearly establishes that a "goal" or "no goal" call on the ice has been made in error. The new expanded rule will also allow Hockey Operations to provide guidance to referees on goal and potential goal plays where the referee has blown his whistle (or intended to blow his whistle) after having lost sight of the puck. * In reviewing "Kicked in Goals," Hockey Operations will require more demonstrable video evidence of a "distinct kicking motion" in order to overrule a "goal" call on the ice, or to uphold a "no goal" call on the ice. Rule 57 Tripping The rule relating to "Tripping" will be revised to specifically provide that a two minute minor penalty will be assessed when a defending player "dives" and trips an attacking player with his body/arm/shoulder, regardless of whether the defending player is able to make initial contact with the puck. But, in situations where a penalty shot might otherwise be appropriate, if the defending player "dives" and touches the puck first (before the trip), no penalty shot will be awarded. (In such cases, the resulting penalty will be limited to a two-minute minor penalty for tripping.) Rule 64 Diving / Embellishment The supplementary discipline penalties associated with Rule 64.3 (Diving/Embellishment) will be revised to bring attention to and more seriously penalize players (and teams) who repeatedly dive and embellish in an attempt to draw penalties. Fines will be assessed to players and head coaches on a graduated scale outlined below. Incident # Player Fine(s) Head Coach Fine(s) 1 Warning N/A 2 $2,000 N/A 3 $3,000 N/A 4 $4,000 $2,000 5 $5,000 $3,000 6 $5,000 $4,000 7 $5,000 $5,000 8 $5,000 $5,000 Rule 76 Face-offs To curb delay tactics on face-offs after icing infractions, in situations where the defending team is guilty of a face-off violation, following an icing, the defending player who is initially lined up for the face-off will be given a warning, but will be required to remain in the circle to take the face-off. A second face-off violation by the defending team in such situation will result in a two minute minor bench penalty. Rule 84 Overtime * Teams will switch ends prior to the start of overtime in the regular season. * The entire ice surface will undergo a "dry scrape" prior to the start of overtime in the regular season. * The procedure requiring the head coach to submit a list of the first three shooters in the shoot-out has been eliminated. Rule 85 Puck Out of Bounds There have been further rule changes made relating to face-off location to avoid penalizing teams for plays intended to create bona fide scoring opportunities. Specifically, the following are "categories of plays" where face-offs will remain in the attacking zone despite the fact that the attacking team was technically responsible for the stoppage in play: Shots at the net by a player on the attacking team where: (i) the shot breaks the glass; (ii) the shot goes off the side of the net and deflects out of play; (iii) the shot goes off the dasher boards or glass and deflects out of play; (iv) the shot is tipped or deflected out of play by a teammate; and (v) the shot becomes wedged in or on the exterior of the goal net. In addition, the following rule change will be enacted for the 2014 preseason and may be continued for the 2014/15 regular season if approved by the League and the NHLPA. Rule 1.9 Rink Face-off Spots and Circles Ice Markings/Hash Marks The hash marks at the end zone circles will be moved from three feet apart to five feet, seven inches apart (international markings).

Can't you read? He's an amateur *finger.* he points at stuff, and touches things, and picks noses. Just not professionally.

@Proteautype: NHL bans spin-o-ramas in shootouts and penalty shots. You're next, dipsy-doodlers. @Proteautype: The problem was never with spinning, understand. But when it got to o-rama levels, something clearly had to be done.

@RedWingsFeed: HBO Wont Be Airing 24/7: Road To The Winter Classic This Year: The Washington... http://t.co/kcpB06zMAz via @NextImpulse #RedWings "24/7′ did seem to get a bit stale last year when it featured the Maple Leafs and Red Wings, but its still disappointing that we wont get to follow the adventures of Alex Ovechkin and Patrick Kane this winter."

Definitely Shartures, because it has the word shart in it which I feel always comes in handy during a Red Wings hockey season. I don't really see this as news--am I the only one? So, Alfie has a bad back...we knew this...and *he's not currently signed to our team*. It's literally not our problem. If Kenny wants to sign him for $6 to play 29 games I don't give a s***. Ericsson is a little more concerning, but will it honestly affect his play *that* much (granted I don't play, and have only used a hockey stick to assault my beloved cousin around the stomach and chest area when I was 11 so please do correct me if I'm wrong). It sounds to me that more than anything, Rig has the yips about the whole situation and is bummed he didn't progress further in the time he had. Now...if we start getting visits from the demons known as Zetterberg's Bad Back and Datsyuk's Knee of Fruit, THEN I'll start panicking about injuries. Hello darkness my old friend...

Khan's take: @AnsarKhanMLive: The latest on contracts talks between the Wings and Danny DeKeyser: http://t.co/W01ZkEU5B5

The fact that to some people "progress" and "knowledge of the effects of head trauma" = being a giant ***** and somehow less of a "man" never ceases to amaze me. Hey, maybe we should stop being such ******* and throw out all of our advancements in Cancer treatment too. Let people die like Real Men . Understanding how trauma affects the body is a GOOD THING. Using that knowledge to develop things to mitigate that harm is even better. It has nothing to do with toughness or lack there of. And it gives us bitchin' buckets to look at. Like the one this thread is about.

Love it! Wish the monsters were more visible though.

The thought of having Gary Bettman anywhere near my genitals makes me want to become a nun. A vomiting, traumatized nun.

OK FINE I'll do it myself I'd sign Semin to a contract just so I could see him do that again.

@CraigCustance: Niklas Kronwall said he expects DeKeyser deal is down to final details. "I think he'll be at camp."

Please someone post the Semin fight gif where he forgets where he is and starts playing the bongos in some imaginary rasta band. PLEASE

This post is approved by BoS. And Zeus's butthole.

This gets my vote as well.

This is the only source I could find for that: @SportsBizNews: NHL expansion four teams added by 2017, Quebec City, Toronto, Seattle, and Las Vegas $1.4b in expansion fees I'm really hoping this is a ******* joke. We're being punked, right? I mean, if it was Seattle and Quebec City I'd be fine with it (with one or both of those being relocation instead of expansion), but Vegas? A SECOND TEAM FOR TORONTO? f*** off.

Me either. 1. Feds 2. Damn well better 3. Probably

My tongue is never far from my cheek, cowboy. LIESi.e. I still can't stand Weber and just want an excuse to have Backes as a Wing. And at *IF* Herlmer is hurt again...don't you know that someone's dad's grandpa's chiropractor said Herlmer is a whiny piss baby?! GET WITH THE TIMES MAN!

Ryan Suter and David Backes

So...it's really over?

@theScore: Kovalev is unsure why P.K. Subban is worth $72M: 'He plays like he did on streets as a child.' http://t.co/GoV5aINrNn http://t.co/AFKZPl1Rq8 SHOTS FIRED

Boogers? Pig's blood? T-Rex semen? Hitler's rotted entrails? Or are we talking double rainbows? Sunshine mixed with clean sheets? PUPPY BREATH?! I need to know. It's for science.