It's time.
Patrick Kane
Class: Cool step-dad
Doesn't truly love us, and never will, but that’s okay. Patty Daddy is the only step dad who never hit us or tried to trick us into going into the naked candy basement. Now that he has a job, moms lettin him smash again, and we couldnt be happier. Welcome home Patty Daddy.
Strengths: being fuqqin cool
Weaknesses: too cool to play defense and will probably cheat on mom
Vlad Tarasenko
Class: Blues Brother
With Walman and Fabbri gone, the band desperately needed another former blues brother. 2 cups in 6 years, and now he's on a mission from god to get a 3rd.
Strengths: Not supporting Ukraine
Weaknesses: Penguins, Illinois Nazis, ex-wives with bazookas
Erik Gustafsson
Class: Samurai Ronin
When covid19 took the life of his master jonathan toews, like step dad patrick, he was caste out of Chicago and forced to roam the league a disgraced ronin. He no longer fights for honor or duty, only for sweet PP assists and to hear the lamentations of the enemies women.
Strengths: throwing the ball deep, take the top off the defense
Weaknesses: PP QB specialist
Tyler Motte
Class: Buddy from college
Has a great crypto startup you need to invest in. Otherwise you haven't heard from this guy since he did 12 jagerbombs and fell out of a window at gamma kappa phi.
Strengths: will do borderline g-ay sheit if you're down
Weaknesses: knows about all the borderline g-ay sheit you've done
Cam Talbot
Class: 37 year old man
Plays goalie (g-ay???)
Strengths: who cares
Weaknesses: old, not cool