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Red Wings air their grievances in honor of Festivus


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#1 sputman

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 09:12 AM

http://www.freep.com...nor-of-Festivus

The Red Wings are on the road today, playing at St. Louis, which means one thing to Chris Osgood: His toothpaste will go missing.

It has happened every trip the Wings have been on this season -- and with today being Festivus, the holiday made famous by a 1997 episode of "Seinfeld," Osgood leads the way as several Wings indulge in the traditional "Airing of Grievances."

"The guys always take my toothpaste and my hair products out of my kit I use on the road," he said. "Always. I don't know who or why, but it's annoying. They also steal my sticks off the rack all the time, the ones I've just freshly taped.

"Those would be my main grievances. That's against everyone, though, because I don't know who it is. But I have a particular one against Mike Modano because his hair is always perfect, even when it's messy. Doesn't matter if it's wet, dry, whatever -- it's perfect."

Osgood's situation in turn is the basis for Kris Draper's grievance, because "Ozzie steals my toothpaste and puts it in his kit. Happens all the time -- I buy it, he takes it."
Draper's plight isn't likely to draw much sympathy, because several teammates have him on their list.

"Well my grievance, it must be my nemesis, Drapes," Henrik Zetterberg said. "He always plays pranks and stuff on me, and yet somehow I'm always the bad guy."
Draper made Darren Helm's airing, as did Jiri Hudler, Todd Bertuzzi, Osgood, and also, "everyone."

"Huds for always telling me to slow down," Helm began. "Everybody for always telling me to slow down. Everyone for calling me 'Dumb and Dumber.' Ozzie for always having different nicknames for me every day. Drapes, same thing. Ozzie and Drapes for always ganging up on me and Abby. Bert's perfect, except he makes me get tape for him, and then he says it's 'for us' but there is no 'us,' there's just him."

Helm shares the "Dumb and Dumber" movie reference burden with Justin Abdelkader, who gets the Harry moniker to Helm's Lloyd.

"Yeah, Ozzie and Drapes, I have a grievance against them with their 'Dumb and Dumber' stuff -- they love calling us Harry and Lloyd," Abdelkader said. "Then (Pavel Datsyuk) always makes fun of me for my soccer skills, how bad they are. And (Johan) Franzen -- recently he's been calling me his kid. He thinks I'm his kid, so he'll call me kid and say I'm suppose to call him Daddy."

Brad Stuart, meanwhile, is finding it hard to put up with his locker-room neighbor, Jonathan Ericsson.

"I sit beside Johnny, and I'm not too happy with how he makes fun of me for my little superstitions, the way I tie my skates, the way I do my socks up, all those things," Stuart said. "He thinks it's funny, but it's just the way I do it."

Lastly, Bertuzzi let loose.

"Dan Cleary for feeling fantastic every day he puts on his equipment," Bertuzzi said. "Pavel Datsyuk for the sickest set of hands I've ever seen -- he doesn't even have to stickhandle, he can still have a good game. Drew Miller just for sitting next to me. Chris Osgood for just being Ozzie -- but actually thank God for Ozzie, it'd be a long year if it wasn't for Ozzie."
After tonight, the Wings get two days off for Christmas. No word on whether they gifted one another donations to the Human Fund.


:lol:
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#2 megaelixir

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 09:26 AM

Ahahahaha, this is great. I especially love that Z refers to Drapes as his "nemesis".

Thanks for posting, and Happy Festivus!

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#3 WizardOfOz30

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 10:02 AM

That's great! All in fun but this is the stuff that is fun to read about the guys.

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Thanks Offsides


"If I could sum up my career in Detroit, I was a perfect goalie for the team at the perfect time. I just wanted to be a Red Wing, that's it." Chris Osgood, July 19, 2011

#4 Rivalred

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 10:20 AM

Hudler telling another player to slow down....
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#5 VM1138

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 11:01 AM

That was a really funny clip, I think it's funny how Helm and Abdelakder get "picked on." And Franzen calling Abs his kid, what the hell? These would be a fun group of guys to hang around.
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#6 Travis

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 11:32 AM

Awesome article. :)

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#7 Esquire

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 11:37 AM

How is Hudler even allowed to open his mouth at this point in the year? He should consider it a Festivus Miracle that he's still employed.
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#8 CaliWingsNut

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 11:40 AM

That was a really funny clip, I think it's funny how Helm and Abdelakder get "picked on." And Franzen calling Abs his kid, what the hell? These would be a fun group of guys to hang around.


I didn't know mules could have kids.

(hint: male mules are infertile)

Edited by CaliWingsNut, 23 December 2010 - 03:43 PM.

Figures don't lie, but liars sure figure. - Mark Twain


#9 sputman

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 11:43 AM

How is Hudler even allowed to open his mouth at this point in the year? He should consider it a Festivus Miracle that he's still employed.


it's because they're a team and support one-another.

god bless us, everyone.

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#10 Esquire

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 12:00 PM

it's because they're a team and support one-another.

god bless us, everyone.


Hudler should try supporting his team on the ice. You know, like he's paid to do, and not just in the locker room or on the bus.
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#11 eva unit zero

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 12:08 PM

I like the toothpaste one; because you know it's Draper who took it in the first place.
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#12 Nev

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 12:17 PM

Thats comedy gold, all of it :D

Bert's perfect, except he makes me get tape for him, and then he says it's 'for us' but there is no 'us,' there's just him


That one made me literally lol.
"If I can be totally honest, it's not a lot of guys you get impressed by. Actually, it's no one else but him. From the bench, to see what move he makes -- you're like, 'I wish I could do that.' Sometimes you sit on the bench and just think, 'wow,' and you look over to the other bench and they sit there and shake their heads, too. He has great, great skills. I'm probably not going to play with another player who has the kind of skills he has." Mikael Samuelsson on Pavel Datsyuk

#13 MulesWillFly93

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 02:53 PM

Dumb and Dumber, bwahaha! Oh man, they shouldn't have let that one out in the open! That is going to haunt them for years, and I personally am going to make sure of it! :D

Aww, Bert gets all warm and fuzzy about everybody - how cute!

Nobody lives forever.
Some things never die.
Like up in the land of ice and snow,
They tell me that a Red Wing always flies.
RIP Ruslan Salei - Brad McCrimmon - Stefan Liv - Lokomotiv Yaroslavl
(Orig. lyrics - Ray Wylie Hubbard, "Airplane Fell Down in Dixie")


#14 Shady Ultima

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 03:12 PM

Dumb and Dumber, bwahaha! Oh man, they shouldn't have let that one out in the open! That is going to haunt them for years, and I personally am going to make sure of it! :D


I thought the Dumb and Dumber comment was common knowledge?

#15 MulesWillFly93

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 03:33 PM

I thought the Dumb and Dumber comment was common knowledge?


Well, that figures; it probably is. Wouldn't surprise me to learn that I'm the last one to know about it.

Nobody lives forever.
Some things never die.
Like up in the land of ice and snow,
They tell me that a Red Wing always flies.
RIP Ruslan Salei - Brad McCrimmon - Stefan Liv - Lokomotiv Yaroslavl
(Orig. lyrics - Ray Wylie Hubbard, "Airplane Fell Down in Dixie")


#16 wingslogo19

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 04:58 PM

Great article, I was :lol:
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#17 Jedi

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 05:15 PM

One of the better articles about the Wings I've ever seen. :lol:

Thanks for posting!

"And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last, for the ruler of this Christmas land,

is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice, least, that's what I've come to understand.

And I've also heard it told, that he's something to behold, like a lobster, huge and red!

When he sets out to slay with his rain gear on, carting bulging sacks with his big great arms, that is so I've heard it said.

And on a dark cold night, under full moon light, he flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky!

And they call him Sandy Claws!


#18 HankthaTank

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 05:28 PM

And (Johan) Franzen -- recently he's been calling me his kid. He thinks I'm his kid, so he'll call me kid and say I'm suppose to call him Daddy."

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Magnificent article. They really do need their own 24/7 soon.
TO WHOM MUCH IS GIVEN, MUCH IS EXPECTED.

#19 Kira

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 07:22 PM

I like Bert for recognizing Pasha as having "the sickest hands" he's ever seen. And you're gonna be missing them for a while boys..."you don't know what you got til it's gone."

Ain't that the truth.
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#20 casey holmstrom

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 07:44 PM

Wait, did I read that right? Franzen is making Abdelkader call him..."daddy" ?
uhh... wow.
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