Sign me to a week's contract. When WE (LOL) get in the inevitable shootout I'll go first and at least all the fans will have a huge laugh as I skate on my ankles on a forever torn ACL towards the opposing goalie. I'll make an awkward move as I go from R to L and suddenly (I wasn't going THAT fast to begin with) pop back right for a shot. I'd either likely miss or if I made it the opposing goalie would quit the league and the team would be so inspired they'd win the Cup.
Just let me pick the music one night and I'll have Karen Newman ride on my lap as I resurface the ice on the Zamboni Al's not driving and save the money.